


Will you be my guiding light?

by TrisPrior



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, High School, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 10:49:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11160336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrisPrior/pseuds/TrisPrior
Summary: Oikawa Tooru is a prodigy.No. That’s wrong.Oikawa Tooru was a prodigy.He was often told – not seldom by envious teammates – that he had it all. And Oikawa isn’t going to lie. He does.He did.An incident causes Oikawa's whole life to change. The only way to move forward is adapting to his new life. But is that even possible? If everything you had is taken from you, how are you going to continue?





	Will you be my guiding light?

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a doctor, nor am I a medical student. The only thing I have is my research. If anything in this story is inaccurate, I apologize.  
> Following chapters are planned to be longer than the prologue.

“Iwa-chan! One more, Iwa-chan!”

“Shut up, I heard you!”

With a wide smile on his face, Oikawa sets the ball exactly where he knows Iwaizumi wants it, and a split-second later he hears the booming noise of the volleyball making contact with the floor. Not even the two blockers or their libero can save that spike. Their half of the Aoba Josei’s volleyball team cheers, the rest of the team standing on the opposite side of the court groans. Having lost the game, they were the ones who had to endure the punishment: five laps around the gym.

“Off you go,” Oikawa smiles sweetly as he waves both hands at the losing team who’s bravely jogging towards the exit where they switch into their outdoor shoes. Despite having practiced for nearly two hours already, none of them complain.

“That’s right. No getting out of- oww!! Iwa-chan, why?”

With a pout and slightly teary-eyed, the brunette reaches up to rub the back of his head where Iwazumi’s hand has landed just a second ago. Much like when it connects with the volleyball it made a slapping noise during contat, only that this particular one fills Oikawa with pain rather than delight.

“Because you’re bragging. Now get your ass over here, we’re doing cool down stretches.”

Oikawa pouts, and despite his whining about how his head now hurts he still follows Iwaizumi to the rest of their team who are already sat with spread legs, helping each other with their stretches. Without even having to ask, Iwaizumi stands behind Oikawa to help him stretch – and much like any other day when the brunette is being a bit too cheeky, Iwaizumi pushes his best friend to the point of Oikawa whining for him to stop. Clearly it’s not bad enough to actually hurt the brunette’s body, but it definitely isn’t a comfortable stretch anymore.

“Iwa-chan, if you want my legs to be more flexible for _your_ benefit you should have just said- ow!”

Another smack to his head, and Oikawa decides that maybe it’s enough for today. There is a limit of how far he can push Iwaizumi before the other gets really angry, and Oikawa has reached said limit one too many times. It’s not a fun experience for either party.

“Focus, Shittykawa.”

“Right, right. Meanie Iwa-chan. I can already feel a bump.”

Iwaizumi grumbles that he deserves it, completely ignoring the fact that the small smacks aren’t nearly enough to leave any sort of bump on Oikawa’s head.

For the rest of practice – which now only consists of the cool down stretches and cleaning up until the losing team has returned – Oikawa mostly stops his teasing towards his best friend. It doesn’t help stop Iwaizumi from throwing a volleyball to the back of Oikawa’s head for making fun of the losing team upon their return, though.

 

 

“Wuaaah! It’s c-cold, Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa’s teeth are positively clattering as he wraps his arms around himself. It’s the middle of winter, snow on the ground and lightly falling all around them. And Iwaizumi just huffs angrily as he turns to frown at his best friend.

“You’re an idiot for not drying your hair properly. You’re gonna die, or get pneumonia out here!”

He gives him a nudge that’s enough to make Oikawa stagger a little, but not enough to knock him down. The brunette whines and turns to stick his tongue out at his best friend in turn.

“Iwa-chan, you know very well that I need to let my hair dry naturally. Or dry it with a hair dryer. If I use a towel like you do, my hair’s gonna get ugly and coarse like youaAHH! Owww.”

Iwaizumi laughs loudly, bending over with how hard he’s laughing, and Oikawa whines. For once it’s not his best friend’s fault that Oikawa is hurting, but his own for slipping and landing on his butt on the very cold and snow-covered ground.

“Stop laughing at me, meanie Iwa-chan!”

The whining and pouting is real this time around, and Iwaizumi knows because while he snorts, he also reaches up to his scarf and starts to unwrap it. Which, if you were to ask Oikawa, is a lot less helpful than for example reaching out a hand to help him get up. Still pouting, the brunette gets up by himself and shakily brushes the cold snow off of his backside. No permanent damage seems to have been done.

“I’ve gotta run home. My parents want me to look after my little sister while they go out tonight,” he explains, and as soon as Oikawa is standing upright again, the brunette already feels a cozy piece of fabric wrapped tightly around his neck. He blinks in confusion, and a warm beanie quickly follows, almost covering his eyes as Iwaizumi tugs it down to cover all of Oikawa’s still wet hair.

“And you: no running. You’ll just catch a cold and I’ll punch you if you miss out on practice, yeah?”

Oikawa nods, and reaches up to pull the beanie back from his forehead, just enough to see Iwaizumi’s now grinning face.

“You better not. See you tomorrow.”

With that, he turns at the corner and jogs off.

Oikawa is staring after him with a small smile. As often as Iwaizumi insults him, taunts him, hits him for the smallest teasing jokes...there’s still moments when Oikawa can tell he deeply cares. They’re not best friends since childhood for nothing, after all.

Humming happily to himself Oikawa turns the other way and walks off in the direction of his own home. If only they’d still live in the same neighborhood… He still remembers how his eight-year-old self had cried when told his family would be moving into a new house, a ten minute walk from their previous home. Oh, how much he’d cried. Iwaizumi of course had not understood the big deal, because unlike Oikawa he didn’t exactly care just how long of a way there was between their homes. For the brunette, they might as well have moved to China, that’s how bad the separation had hurt him.

The brunette chuckles to himself and pulls out his phone, tapping on the cold screen to unlock it and open his Facebook app. It’s no surprise he’s got a whole bunch of notifications and messages, even a few friend requests that he accepts without even checking who it is.

He looks at the notifications next. He’s been tagged in at least half a dozen posts by girls he doesn’t remember. Not even their names ring a bell. There are a few from Iwaizumi too, but after curiously clicking on one of them it turns out to be just another ‘stop tagging me in shit and concentrate on class, Assykawa!’. Even so Oikawa laughs and likes the comment just to spite his best friend.

He moves onto the messages next while his feet carry him through the dark and empty streets, a path that he could find in his sleep by now, so he thinks. Stepping foot onto the pedestrian crossing, he opens up the group chat he has with Iwaizumi, Matsukawa and Hanamaki, and the first thing that catches his eye is a picture of a very angry looking cat with small text written underneath it.

He doesn’t get the chance to take a closer look at what the writing says. A loud honk to his left has him whipping his head around, his sight now blinded by the light of two headlights that are headed straight towards him.

 

That’s the last thing he sees. Not even a moment later, he feels as though he’s flying. Almost like in volleyball, during his jump-serves. He feels weightless, and there’s not a sound around him. Or is there? He’s not sure…everything’s dark. He must be dreaming.

And he is. But it doesn’t feel like his normal dreams.

It’s as if someone is playing a movie right in front of his inner eyes. He hears voices…they’re talking to him.

 

 

 

 

_“No, Tooru! Don’t eat that, that’s dirty- put the coin down!”_

_“MMm..ffph!”_

_“Hahaha! I told you it wasn’t tasty. How about some milk bread instead- come here. Come here, Tooru!”_

_“What’s your name?”_

_“I’m Tooru! Oikawa Tooru! And you?”_

_“Hajime Iwaizumi.”_

_“Nice to meet you, Iwa-chan!”_

_“Eh?!”_

_“I don’t want to…”_

_“Pleeease, Iwa-chan? It’s scary to go alone… Volleyball’s really cool, just try it once. Please?”_

_“Ugh…ok. I’ll come with you. But only the first time.”_

_“Yaaay, thank you Iwa-chan!”_

_“Mommy…where’s Daddy? He’s never home anymore…”_

_“It’s complicated, Tooru… I’ll tell you when you’re older, okay?”_

_“…okay, Mommy… I love you.”_

_“I love you too, my dearest Tooru...”_

_“Do you like her?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“That girl. Do you like her?”_

_“Ahahaha! Iwa-chan, don’t be so embarrassing!”_

_“So you do.”_

_“I didn’t say that…”_

_“I think she likes you.”_

_“I don’t care.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Because when I grow up, I’m gonna marry Iwa-chan!”_

_“What?! No way!”_

_“Eeeeh? But Iwa-chaaan!”_

_“I’m sorry…”_

_“Why?”_

_“It’s my fault... I can tell you like her. And...”_

_“Don’t be an idiot, Trashykawa.”_

_“Wha-?!”_

_“It’s not your fault she likes your stupid pretty face.”_

_“Iwa-chan, that’s mean! My face isn’t stupid…wait. You just called it pretty, so you admit it!”_

_“Did I? I meant to say ‘shitty’.”_

_“Iwa-chan!”_

_“Stop crying already.”_

_“I c-can’t…”_

_“Ugh…god you look ugly when you’re crying.”_

_“…”_

_“… Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Come on. Stop looking so down. We gave it our best shot, and we’ll do it again, yes? Next time, I’ll make sure we win. I promise you that. Okay?”_

_“…okay, Iwa-chan.”_

_“We did it! Iwa-chan, we did it! We won!”_

_“Oikawa, that was two days ago, you need to calm down, seriously.”_

_“I can’t! I’m still so happy whenever I see you, hehe… Iwa-chan.. Promise me we’ll always be best friends? We’ll always play volleyball together, yes?”_

_“Tch…sure, always, you airhead.”_

There’s a soft ringing noise in his ears.

Movement.

Voices. But so dull that it feels as though they’re talking to him through thick bulletproof glass. There is definitely some noise.

And he feels so sleepy…he just can’t pay attention to what they’re saying.

The noise suddenly fades, and Oikawa feels like he’s floating again. Up in the sky, in the clouds. No worries in the world. Nothing to think about at all…

He knows there was something he’d meant to do just before he fell asleep. Maybe even something he had been in the middle of doing but…he can’t remember. He tries really hard but his head seems to hurt from it, so he stops. The floating is much better than giving himself a headache.

So much better. Easier.

 

Then he’s asleep.

It’s a dreamless sleep, or at least Oikawa thinks so. He honestly isn’t sure.

As soon as consciousness is reaching for him, the only thing he notices is that he feels uncomfortable, and in pain. The ringing in his ears seems to have disappeared, but has been replaced by a beeping noise.

It’s slow, and steady.

It’s kind of annoying…

_Beep. Beep. Beep_.

On and on it goes.

Hasn’t he heard that noise before? It almost sounds like-

A hospital.

He’s in a hospital. But why…? Did something happen? You don’t find yourself in a hospital for no good reason, do you? With a quiet groan that comes out raspy, as if his throat is really dry – and after trying to swallow, Oikawa realizes it _is_ – he reaches up to his head. What is that around his hand…?

There is an immediate response to his action.

_“…Oikawa. Oikawa?! Tooru, can you hear me??”_

Yes Iwa-chan, yes I can, he thinks, but his head hurts and he’s not sure why, but his voice hasn’t found him just yet. Oh, maybe it’s because he’s still half-asleep. After all everything is very dark and quiet – is it nighttime still? Has he been asleep for a long time?

_“Oikawa, let me get a nurse...a doctor…I’ll be right back, yes? Just give me one minute.”_

The noise of a chair’s legs being dragged over the floor makes Oikawa wince, and it definitely pulls him closer to consciousness.

But he’s still so very tired.

Iwaizumi sounded worried, though…and from the sounds he hears, Oikawa’s sure he’s sprinting off somewhere, fast. Calling out for someone.

A doctor? Why does he need a doctor?

He sleepily takes a deep breath and slowly exhales it as he squints his eyes open. It really is dark in here…

He moves his gaze to the right, towards the beeping noise, expecting to see at least a lit up screen that would show him his steady and very much alive – no need to worry, Iwa-chan! – heartbeat.

But even that is dark.

Do they switch off the screens during the night? That seems like a good idea…Oikawa imagines it being very hard to sleep with a glowing light right next to you.

Hurried footsteps are coming closer. Suddenly there is a voice right there, up close to him!

Oikawa flinches. It’s a familiar voice, and yet…

“Oikawa…god dammit, what the hell were you thinking? We were so worried about you!”

“I…Iwa-chan…” he rasps out, barely able to bring out even a single word without coughing.

He blinks.

And blinks again.

Something isn’t right.

And everybody in the room knows it as soon as the beeping noise that signals his pulse starts to speed up. There are quiet murmurs from somewhere, Oikawa can’t pinpoint where exactly, and cold sweat is starting to run down his back.

“Iwa-chan…can...can you turn on the lights…?”

 

There is a short silence, and that only makes his pulse go faster, the beeping now picking up its pace.

“Oikawa, I…the sun is out – the light’s not gonna change anything. What…”

He’s panicking.

The murmurs are louder now, and Oikawa’s breathing is getting heavier with the steadily quickening pace of his heartbeat. His throat feels too tight to bring in enough air, he can’t breathe. His hands blindly fist into the sheets beneath him.

Sheets whose color he can’t tell.

 

 

 

 

“I-Iwa-chan. I…I _can’t_ _see_.”


End file.
